Monday, February 10, 2014
In a conversation leaked online, US Assistant Secretary of State Victoria Nuland adopted “fuck the EU” as policy strategy for the crisis in Ukraine. The leak, according to the US coming from the Russians, has given rise to heated discussions as to the right of people to be informed and the need for the confidentiality of diplomatic communications.
In the EU bubble, however, Nuland’s position has given rise to a completely different debate. Indeed, in traditional EU fashion, the EU institutions have refrained from instinctively reacting with disdain and anger to the decidedly undiplomatic remark. On the contrary, a thorough inter-service consultation was set up immediately in order to evaluate the pros and cons of the US suggestion and come up with a balanced and democratic shared position.
At this stage, the European Commission’s position in welcoming US’ suggestion seems to be prevailing but rumors have it that the debate might be far from over in the EU Parliament. Whereas the majority of the MEPs acknowledged the merits of being “fucked by the Yankees” and pointed out that “it happened before and we were happy”, the conservative wing of the Parliament abruptly blocked the process and referred to the legal service in order to clarify the gender of the EU.
“It is OK to be fucked by the Americans” the ECR proponent of the legal service referral explained, “but we need to make sure that things are done right”. “We know for sure that the US is a female” - he went on – “so the condition for our green light is that the legal service confirms the EU is a male. Then, and only then, will we be open to discuss other details such as positions and venues”.
“We were actually caught by surprise when this proposal was tabled”, an S&D MEP said. “Then we thought it over and acknowledged that the ECR proposal to establish the EU gender is fair and timely. Another matter is, of course, the ECR’s firm opposition to homosexual diplomatic relationships. On this, we still need to reach a common internal position.”
LGBT lobbies are following the debate with renewed interest and excitement while gender equality associations are already on a war footing. “We are waiting for the legal service’s opinion but we are confident that they will settle this madness once for all”, a European Women’s Lobby spokesperson said. “Just take a look at the values enshrined in the EU Treaties. I dare you to find one which is not feminine. Also, all males are evil.”
