Wednesday, January 15, 2014
Few days ago, new Italian Democratic Party leader Matteo Renzi unveiled a legislative proposal to reform the outdated Italian labour law. The bill, which foresees extremely high expenditures for the treasury coupled with more flexibility for companies to fire workers, is supposed to fuck up people without a job even in the remote case that they will manage to get one. EU Employment Commissioner Laszlo Andor already gave his thumbs up to the package.
Renzi, who was recently appointed as the new Secretary of the Italian Democratic Party (PD) and thus, starting from the next elections, should hold a seat in the Parliament for the next, oh, 20 years or so, explained the basis of his nonsensical proposal to the press: “I was a little worried before the party elections, I am not gonna lie to you.” he admitted. “My mandate as a Mayor of Florence was about to expire. And everyone knows what that means. I am 39 already, with no significant previous working experiences, living in a country where unemployment rate is skyrocketing. Then this Secretary of the PD opportunity came up and all of my troubles got sorted out overnight. So I figured, hey, this is the right opportunity to start messing things up for all the others.”
When asked by reporters what problems his proposal is likely to generate for the country’s budget and the stability of future generations, Renzi replied: “people were always mean to me when I was a child. I mean, can you imagine how it is like to grow up in Florence when you have a lisp? I wanted to send a strong signal to those bullies, who I am sure now have sons and daughters looking for a job.” Renzi then went on to explain that, even if he is aware that with the bill people will get fired everyday, the public debt will be out of control and the country will probably be forced to go back to the lira at a certain point, he really doesn’t care anymore because now he has a job.
Prominent personalities from the right wing parties immediately backed the proposal. In a joint press release, MPs Renato Brunetta and Deputy PM Angelino Alfano, who are reported to have suffered analogous treatments during their childhood, recognized Renzi’s proposal as “a brilliant strategy to tackle once and for all the hideous issue of child bullying” and a “perfect demonstration that, when common interests are at stake, right and left wing parties can still mutually support each other.”
